Update:「Outlook」

Hello! This is Sterling with a final update. This update in particular encompasses the past three weeks, so it might be slightly long-winded. Proceed with caution.

As per usual, I’ll do my best to limit my therapeutic ranting on how things felt. While it may help me, a seemingly-negative headspace might hurt others (though I like to consider myself an optimist). Besides. This is meant to talk about more than my feelings.

So, as someone going through this time in modern history, I feel like it’s vital to blurt on my thoughts. Perhaps my grandchildren will be fascinated by it. These past three weeks have been somewhat ridiculous. I’m not sure how I did it, but I managed to fall behind in three courses. I thought I had done way with over-procrastinating in high school, but apparently not. Maybe being at home that has reawakened such habits. I have admittedly procrastinated with this course, though I had still managed to get things done while working on several theatre shows at once. And now that all of it’s ripped away, I’m moving slower than ever. I didn’t know how much I appreciated academic pressure until it was gone.

Thankfully, my professors are kind and understanding and as of right now, my grades are looking surprisingly good. However, if I’m being honest, I would like to be done with all of my courses except for this one. I work at the pace of a snail in the day and then ramp it up in the night, which is familiar but exhausting. In DS106, I have let myself stack on the work and get overwhelmed, though I still enjoyed it every time. Now that I have time in the summer, it would be neat to still pursue creative avenues of expressing myself. Stepping out of my comfort zone is important: that includes socializing and interacting with others as social media booms more now than ever. I’ve liked to consider myself a jack of all trades when it comes to the content we’ve created, but certainly a master of none.

This summer, though, I’ve been intrigued by two concepts: writing and image editing. Writing is one of my passions, and as I write on roleplay-based forums I easily have that covered. Maybe some NaNoWriMo training is in order as well. For image editing, I’ve recently returned to Instagram after a long hiatus and saw this photography account that edited people to look more vibrant. They looked unnatural, yet genuine in whatever they were selected to portray in their portraits. Most of that oddness came from the power of editing.

I’ll admit that I can be a little ‘vain’ – if you’d even count what I’m about to describe as a vein of vanity. When we were at school, my roommate can attest that I on occasion spend minutes in front of the mirror. I look in the reflection, and I see everything wrong. My shoulders are too thin. My cheeks have gotten fatter. My torso isn’t quite long enough. Yet, I find myself looking back up at my eyes and the strong-ish brow and jaw I find confidence in and I stay there for a second longer. Why not emphasize my eyes with the glow of two moons? Illuminate my hair with fire? To edit my environment rather than my body seems like a healthy way of self-empowerment to me.

Especially since I’m stuck at home with people reminding me of my traits constantly, causing me to forget a lot of the ‘progress’ I made at school. Sometimes it feels like I am, or was someone else entirely. These creative outlets are where I can focus on expressing myself, for I now know a story can make up anything. I wouldn’t be opposed to doing Daily Creates on occasions of boredom throughout the summer. Now that my internship in France is cancelled and I’m jobless (for the summer), I’ll either be at home or doing volunteer work. Updating my website isn’t something I’d be opposed to, as well.

Regardless, I’m going to do my best and move forward without regrets. I’ll cherish what I have learned, and the moments I had like meeting my radio show group members. Stay creative!

Sincerely,
Sterling

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